6 years ago, I wrote a poem about pregnancy and it kept coming into my mind recently.
*The content may contain something about miscarriage or any negative conditions from childbirth that may be triggering.*
Since I was small, I had fear from nowhere about pregnancy and childbirth. Even when I was 9, which I hadn't had any sex education yet, I told my mom that I am not gonna have kids.
Till 7 years ago since I started doing my spiritual practice, it unfolded a lot of my past lives of being a female and a mother but at the same time, there were even more of memories about death coming from childbirth and pregnancy. It could be miscarriage, my death when labouring, and even more was death of my kids. These images were like video clips playing in front of my eyes and these memories are stored in my cells all over my body.
From then, it was my very first time to be with these heavy emotions consciously. Guilt has been with me for years and it's like they never go away. With this guilt, how could I be brave enough to be a mom again? I just couldn't. How can I deal with the pain from miscarriage?
I am super grateful that Aura Soma supported me so much during the time. It helped me to release and resolve this guilt within me. The most liberating one happened during one of the healing sessions in a workshop that I saw there were many baby angels in the sky and I quickly recognised they are all my babies who were passed away. I bursted into tears. They are actually living really really well. They are happy up there. They are all fine. I started to realise my guilt came from my thought of thinking they were in pain when dying so I kept punishing myself. (I am now only opening limited Aura Soma session from time to time. If you want to get updated, register here.)
Guilt arises just because we keep ourselves in a box of what we think till we see the fact clearly. Guilt will then be dissolved. We are liberating the guilt kept within us as a mom or a woman from lives.
Is letting go easy? Honestly, it is not sometimes, however, suppressing or controlling them can be harder.
Can I pretend I don't know something I do? It is hard.
Can I ignore the pain and just be a mom? It is also hard.
Can I change the fact of my kids dying? It is even harder.
Even though it takes so much time for me to heal this, I definitely gain so so so much from that.
No matter if we can give birth to a child, we, as women, are good enough.
No matter if we can nurture a child, we, as women, are whole.
No matter if we can give birth to a healthy child or not, we, as women, are already a perfect mom because we gave our kids the perfect and extraordinary experience they want to be on Earth.
We, as mom or women, are not measured by our power of giving birth. It is whether we can give birth or not, we are good enough. Our kids or fertility is never a measurement of being who we are as women.
The most sacred power of being women is not only birthing lives but also our capacity. No matter what happens in life, we are capable to be with it, to accept it and to allow it that it is the flow of life, the choice of the soul and the cycle of Mother Earth and we can still find the beauty and grace behind the non-love. We allow it and learn to be and dance with it, when there is anything we can't control. Even though it is heavy and there is injustice, we still are willing to resolve ourselves, to heal the pain and become union. This is actually contributing to the ascension of the collective. We may not witness the best and thriving version of the world this life but with healing ourselves and hope, we are giving faith and vision to our future generation like our kids.
If you want to work with similar or vulnerable topic with me, I am now opening 15-min Free Zoom session for us to connect and see if we are the good fit to work on that together.
Terms:
GBP50 for every 30 min after 15 min. It considers as 30 min if it is less than that.
The purpose of this free session is to allow both of us to connect if we are compatible to work together. Make sure you want to deal with the topic to sign up mindfully.
Sessions are limited to Oct 2023
Comment or PM to sign up.
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最近腦海不斷浮起6年前我寫過一首有關生育的詩
*以下內容包含流產或因生育引起的負面情況，可能會引致不安，敬請留意*
先說說背景，從少到大，我對生育有著巨大而不知明的恐懼，誇張到我9歲時(年紀小得連性教育也沒上)已跟媽媽揚言我不會生小孩的。
直至7年前因為靈修和探索自己的潛意識時，才發現很多過去世的自己，身為女兒身，也曾經有很多懷孕成為媽媽的經歷，但同時讓我更難忘的是很多因為生育、懷孕時所發生種種不快的記憶，例如：流產、因為生育作為媽媽的我死亡，而更多的是生產過程我的小孩死亡等等。當時這些畫面是走馬燈一樣在我眼前一幕一幕播放，而這些記憶全都藏在身體的細胞內。
我記得由那時開始，我是頭一次有意識地去面對這些很沉重的情感，這份愧疚跟著我很長的時間，真的是揮之不去般。試想想，帶著這樣的愧疚，我怎能有勇氣再一次成為媽媽呢？我不能。
那段日子幸好有 Aura Soma 的陪伴和支持，協助我和解和釋放這個愧疚的自己，而最令我解放的一次是在某工作坊的療癒環節，我突然看見天上來了很多天使小孩，我頓時認出她們全部就是我過去離世的孩子，我哭成淚人。原來她們每一個都活得安好，也變成了守護我們的天使，我的愧疚來自我以為她們離世走得很痛苦，所以我一直怪責自己。愧疚其實是把自己困在頭腦中「我以為」的框架，直至看清事實時，終於能夠解放這份悲傷，這是累生累世作為媽媽或女人所含著的內疚。(我現在只會不定期開放 Aura Soma 諮詢，如想收到update，請登記此名單。)
放下是否很容易？坦白說，有時的確不容易，不過，要控制或壓抑彷彿更難。
我能假裝不知道我已知的記憶嘛？難。
我能不理會這種痛而跑去成為媽媽嘛？也難。
我能改寫小孩離世的事實嘛？更難。
縱使花了很長的時間，療癒這個創傷的過程，我卻得到很多。
我們能不能誕下小孩，我們都足夠好了。
我們能不能孕育一個小孩，我們都是一個很圓滿的女人。
我們能不能10月懷胎生下健全的小孩，我們都是一個好媽媽，因為我們已給予小孩的靈魂最想成為地球人獨一無二的體驗。
作為一位媽媽或女人，不是取決於我們能否生育來判斷自己的好和能力，而是有否這些能力也好，我們都已經夠好了，我們的小孩或生殖器官從來都不應該成為量度我們的工具。
作為一個女人，我們最神聖的力量不只是能孕育生命，而是生命中發生任何事，我們都能夠面對、接納和容許這就是生命的流動、靈魂的選擇、地球的週期，最後仍然看到美麗和恩典。對於無法控制的事情，我們容許並學習與她共存和起舞。無論情感多沉重，生活多不公，我們都願意和好自己，療癒未圓滿的部分，同時也在成就人類集體意識的揚升。我們有生之年可能未能見證最華麗最光輝的世界，但我們療癒好自己，懷著希望就是留給後世人圓滿的願景。
如果你有相關的狀況想處理，我現在開放15分鐘免費Zoom對談，讓我們彼此有互相連結的機會，感覺一下雙方是否對的人選一起進行一切療癒工作。
細則：
超時15分鐘後，每30分鐘HKD$500，不足30分鐘也當作30分鐘計
請確定你真的想處理問題才登記，這個15分鐘對談目的是為了讓我們彼此確定是否適合的合作對象
登記只限2023年10月份
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